everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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