Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
