Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
