oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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