You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
