margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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