ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
