So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
