i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
