I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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