Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
