Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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