carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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