at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
