u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Randomize
