I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
