I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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