I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
