Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
