My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
