my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
