dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
