Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
