either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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