I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
