The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
