Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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