so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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