Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
