she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
