Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
