I just threw up on my dentist
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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