Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
