hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
