that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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