My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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