it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
