just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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