You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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