I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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