yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
