I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
it glows. i had to have it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
