the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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