I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
me + whiskey = a bad person
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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