mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
