oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
