im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
