So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
