no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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