end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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