so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
