i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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