i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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