remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
