Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
