Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
someone owes me an orgasm
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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