i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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